Miles Between Us
by writeallnight
Summary: When Deeks is sent on assignment to Afghanistan Kensi is none too happy about it. The time apart turns out to be more difficult than they'd ever imagined.
1. The Telling

A/N: Takes place post-IA investigation, somewhere in the middle of Season 7.

This one's been in the works for quite a while. Hang onto the emotional rollercoaster folks. Here we go!

* * *

"You're going _where_?" The words he'd just said replayed themselves over and over in her brain because they didn't make any sense. He couldn't possibly be going. Not there.

"Kensi, babe, it's okay. Take a breath," Deeks said calmly from where he leaned against the counter.

"Afghanistan, Deeks? Afghanistan? You can't go to Afghanistan!" she cried.

"Kensi, I don't have a choice. Sam's going too. Orders from Hetty."

"No," Kensi shook her head and folded her arms tightly over her chest. "No it should be Callen. Callen can go instead."

"Babe, you know that's not how it works," he watched her pace back and forth across the floor of the Burn Room. "They need someone from LAPD on the ground over there. I'm the obvious choice. It's only for a couple months."

"A couple months," Kensi ceased her frantic movements to stare at him, her eyes flashing with anger. "Deeks, over there that's like two years. It's a warzone. You're only LAPD, they can't make you do this."

"Kensi," he ran a hand through his hair, "they're not making me." He shrugged. "I want to go."

"You….what? You want…."Kensi stared at him, completely at a loss for words.

"You and Sam and Callen, you've all done your part saving the world. Now it's my turn. It's just…something I have to do," he told her.

She continued to stare, her face a mask of horror and disbelief.

"It's going to be okay," he stepped closer, stretching out a hand to take hers. "I'll be fine."

"No, no! Don't…don't touch me," she pushed him away. "I can't…no. This is not happening. No. I'm going to talk to Hetty."

She shoved past him, out of the Burn Room, down the hall. Not seeing Hetty at her desk she marched up the stairs to Ops. The doors slid open to reveal Eric and Nell their sad eyes informing her that they had already heard the news.

"Where's Hetty?" she asked, her voice barely under control.

"Kensi, I'm so sorry…" Nell began.

"Just…" Kensi swallowed and tried not to yell at her friends, "tell me where Hetty is."

"I'm right here Ms. Blye." Their diminutive boss entered the room followed closely by Callen and Sam. "Say what you need to say."

"You _cannot_ send Deeks over there," Kensi told her flatly. "It will crush him."

"Mr. Deeks readily accepted the mission," Hetty told her. "There's no one more qualified for this particular task."

"This particular task? And what exactly is that task?" Kensi asked.

"I'm afraid that's classified."

"Oh, like the White Ghost mission was classified? Are you going to classify all the pertinent information on this case too? Because the last time you did that I ended up a Taliban hostage."

Hetty huffed. "You are out of line Ms. Blye. Mr. Deeks is going at the request of LAPD and that is final."

"Fine. Then if Deeks is going, I'm going with him."

"I'm afraid that's out of the question. You and Mr. Callen are needed here to keep up daily operations."

"Then he is not going," Kensi said firmly.

"That is not your decision to make. Now I suggest you leave this room before you say something you'll regret," Hetty replied.

Kensi looked to Sam and Callen. "Do either of you have anything you'd like to say here?"

"Deeks is a good detective Kensi. This is just part of the job," Callen said quietly.

She turned her gaze to Sam. "And you? You think this is a good idea too."

He shook his head. "It's not my call to make."

Kensi bit her lip and nodded slowly. "Right. Great. Thanks for the help guys." She turned to Hetty. "I'm filing a formal complaint."

"As is your prerogative," Hetty told her. "Goodnight Ms. Blye."

* * *

Kensi closed the kitchen cabinet hard before slamming two bowls onto the counter. She then turned and yanked open the fridge. Peering inside, unable to find what she was looking for, she shoved it closed so firmly it rattled.

"Are we going to talk about this?" Deeks was leaning against the door jam, arms folded across his chest.

Kensi reached for the bowls and walked them to the table. "What's there to talk about?" she asked. "We don't need to talk. You can just make all your decisions without me."

"Kensi…"

"It's fine Deeks. You and Sam just go off, have your little adventure."

Deeks sighed. "It's not an adventure! It's an Op! You're acting like I decided to go on vacation without your or something!"

Kensi reached for the cutting board and started chopping a cucumber. "I just don't understand your sudden need to go put yourself on active duty with no training whatsoever."

"No training? I'm sorry, are you questioning my abilities as a detective?" he asked incredulously. "Because my record is nearly impeccable, both at LAPD and at NCIS, which you know because we have been partners for six years now. Unless that's someone else's ass that I've been backing up all this time," he finished angrily.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Kensi shot back.

"Then what exactly did you mean?" he questioned. "Because it sounds like maybe I should just go back to LAPD since I'm apparently not qualified to handle your very dangerous job."

"Why are you so fixated on this? You know you have no field training for something like this. You're not a freakin' Navy SEAL Deeks!"

"Oh, so that makes me weak? I should just leave all the big boy work to you and Sam and, and, and Callen?" he threw his hands up into the air in frustration.

"Does this have something to do with all the whole IA thing? Because you know that you have nothing to prove to anyone."

"Well apparently I do since you don't think I'm capable of actually doing my job."

"Deeks! That's not what I said! I just don't think there's any reason for you to be doing it halfway across the world when there are other people with more training."

"Right, because it's not like I've ever been to Afghanistan before. Oh wait."

"Do not even go there right now, this is not the same thing!"

"You're right! This time I have a mission, parameters, time to prepare."

"Sixteen hours is not—ouch!" Kensi jerked her hand back from the cutting board, blood welling up from a gash in her finger.

"Are you okay?" Deeks asked.

"Yes, I'm fine," she replied through gritted teeth.

"Let me see," Deeks reached for her hand.

"No, it's fine." Tears welled up in her eyes and she used her good hand to brush them away. "Just…I'm just not hungry anymore."

She walked into the master bath, searching the cabinets for antiseptic and bandages, tears blurring her vision.

She sank down onto the edge of the tub attempting to open the tube of Neosporin with one hand. The door to the bathroom opened and Deeks entered. Wordlessly he took the medicine from her and began doctoring her wound. "It's not too deep," he said quietly, once he'd cleaned it. "Shouldn't need stitches."

"Great," Kensi looked up at the ceiling in an attempt to force her tears away.

Deeks wrapped up her finger and then released her hand. "Kensi…"

"You know what, I'm really tired Deeks," she interrupted, her voice shaky. "I can't do this anymore. I'm going to bed."

Deeks sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Okay. Fine."

They shared the same bed that night, but it couldn't have been colder.

* * *

A/N: Leave your love in the reviews!


	2. The Leaving

A/N: Sorry this took so long folks! I feel like this is a good time to remind everyone that I teach children how to sing for a living. I'm not an NCIS Agent, I don't work for the government, and I've never been to Afghanistan. I do my darnedest to research everything and get it all right but I'm not perfect. So if you see some sort of egregious factual error, just be forgiving and know that I have tried my best! Thank you to everyone who left lovely reviews on Chapter 1! You're the best!

* * *

Neither of them slept that night. Deeks was up before the alarm and they both readied for the day in a silence that persisted until they reached the Mission. If their teammates noticed the unusual quiet they had the good grace not to say anything.

Sam and Deeks disappeared for most of the morning, going through a series of briefings up in Ops. When Kensi went into the armory around 11:00 she found Sam there, alone, packing up an array of rifles and scopes.

"Oh," she stopped short when she saw him.

"It's okay. You can come in. There's nothing classified about us taking weapons along," he told her with a smile.

"Right." She unlocked the cage and released the gun she'd come to retrieve.

"You want to talk about it?" Sam asked as he snapped a case closed.

"Nope." Kensi sat down next to him and began cleaning her weapon.

"Might make you feel better," he told her, his eyes following her agitated movements.

"The only thing that will make me feel better is the two of you not going," she sharply removed the magazine.

"It's the job. Deeks knows that. Do you?"

She didn't respond.

"You're underestimating him Kensi. He's tougher than you think. He's already contributed a lot to this Op. It's going to be fine."

"Well if you say so, I'm sure it will be." She refused to make eye contact and continued scrubbing furiously.

Sam set down the weapon he'd been dismantling. "What's really bothering you?"

"Nothing. You're going. It's the job. Whatever."

"Kensi."

Her movements slowed. "Just…bring him home safe," she said, failing to keep a touch of fear out of her voice. "Please."

He put a hand on her shoulder, squeezed gently. "You have my word."

* * *

Kensi found her partner just outside of wardrobe, checking bags full of equipment. "So," she said quietly, "you're all packed?"

Deeks straightened. "Yep. All set."

"Did you remember socks?" It was a lame attempt at conversation, a placeholder for all the things she couldn't actually find the words to say.

He nodded. "Yeah. All covered in the sock department."

"Things just get pretty dirty there pretty quick and it's nice to have clean socks," she told him.

"So I've heard. I've got plenty of socks Kens," he assured her.

"Well…good."

Awkward, tense silence fell over them. Deeks sighed. "Kens, I don't want to leave while we're fighting."

"Then don't go."

Her words hung in the air, a last hope, a last plea.

"You know I can't do that," he told her. "Kensi, please."  
"Fine," she crossed her arms over her chest. "Be safe. Call me when you can."

"Kensi…"

"It's fine. Go."

"Okay," he paused uncertainly. "I love you."

She tried to smile. "I love you too."

Sam came around the corner. "You ready Deeks?" he asked as he pulled on a pack.

"Yeah," his eyes went to Kensi but she wouldn't meet his gaze. "Yeah I'm ready."

They shouldered the weight of their luggage and made their way to the bull pen where the rest of the team had gathered to say goodbye.

"Bring me back a present," Callen said as he hugged Sam.

"Watch your backs," Granger told them.

The rest of the group offered up their own farewells and handshakes to their departing team members.

Finally Sam nodded. "We'll see you all soon."

They left the room, everyone watching them go.

"Well then, back to work," Hetty directed, striding out of the bullpen, Granger not far behind.

Nell touched Kensi's arm briefly before heading upstairs with Eric.

"You okay?" Callen's voice was low in her ear, his eyes still on the door where their partners had disappeared.

She gave a slight shake of her head. "No."

* * *

"Go home Ms. Blye."

Kensi looked up from her paperwork to find Hetty hovering near her desk.

"I'm not finished yet," Kensi told her, her eyes going immediately back to the file in front of her.

Hetty didn't take the hint. "I know that I am perhaps the last person you wish to take advice from right now but indulge me: waiting to go home will not make the bed any warmer."

Kensi didn't even look up, barely able to keep her voice in check. "You're right. I really don't need your advice."

Hetty nodded. "Goodnight Ms. Blye."

She turned and walked away, leaving the agent alone in the bullpen. Kensi sighed and closed the file. The lights had dimmed, everyone else already gone for the evening. She stood, toying with her lip, looking at the staircase. Glancing at her watch and then sighing again, she finally lifted her head in decision and headed up the steps.

The doors to Ops slid open quietly and Kensi stepped inside. Her eyes immediately went to the big screen where two red dots blinked bright, somewhere over the Pacific.

The doors slid open again and Eric strode in. "Oh!" he said, startled. "I didn't know you were still here."

"I was just finishing up," she said, her locked on the screen.

Eric followed her gaze. "Their flight was delayed due to weather. They should be there sometime in the early morning. We decided we'd stay until they land. Make sure they get in safe, you know? Nell just ran out to get some food."

"That's uh, that's great Eric."

He took a step closer. "We can call you. When they get in," he offered. He paused, hesitantly, and then wrapped his arms around her in an awkward hug. "They're going to be all right," he told her.

Kensi felt a lump in her throat at his kindness and she hugged him back. "Thanks Eric."

She was barely aware of driving home, her body on autopilot as her mind drifted elsewhere. She didn't even bother stopping for dinner, her stomach too full of knots to even think about it.

Monty greeted her at the door as she hung her keys on the rack and set down her bag. "Hey boy," she ruffled his ears.

He looked behind her, and then circled her with a whine, tail wagging as he scratched expectantly at the door. Kensi patted his head and she swallowed hard, her voice breaking as she spoke. "He's not coming home buddy. Not tonight."

She walked to the living room, sank down onto the couch, and cried.

* * *

A/N: Leave your love in the reviews!


	3. Week 1

A/N: I know, I know! A one-shot and an update on this story all in one day? This is what happens when you are in between nanny gigs and have completed most of your course work for grad school. So much writing.

Again, just a gentle reminder here that I don't know everything about everything and google can only take one so far. Also keep in mind that television and film also take many liberties with the rules of the world when it suits them and they get paid for it whereas I do not. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. You are the best! Woohoo! Enjoy!

* * *

Sleep. That's what everyone had told him to do. Sleep on the plane because it was going to be precious hard to come by once he hit the ground.

A glance around the nearly full Navy transport told Deeks that his fellow passengers had managed to do just that. But the roar of the engines and the churning of his mind didn't allow rest to come.

Once they got there he would feel better, he told himself. It was just the expectation, the not knowing how things would be, that was making him anxious. That, and leaving things the way he had with Kensi.

He blew out a slow breath, counting to four before inhaling again. The deep breathing exercises a therapist had given him after the dental torture incident usually helped with the nightmares, but they were doing little to calm his rapid heartbeat tonight.

He'd screwed up. Sort of. The way he'd told her he was leaving…he should have known that she would react badly given her history with the country. He'd understood why she didn't want him to go but, at the same time, it had been nice to feel like he was the only one who could do this job.

They hit an air pocket and the plane dropped suddenly, causing something in the cargo hold to emit a loud bang, which made Deeks jump. No one else on the plane even stirred.

He sighed and let his head fall back against the seat. It was going to be a long ride.

* * *

Eight hours later the mood in the plan had changed significantly. An uneasy calm permeated the air, causing an eerie chill to settle around Deeks.

Sam shifted in his seat and looked at the detective. "Once we hit the ground we don't look back," he said loudly over the roar of the plane's engine. "You miss a beat, you die. You get distracted, you die. You keep your head down and your eyes up. If your instincts tell you something's off, it probably is. Say something. I have your back and you have mine. Everybody else is only as close as a stranger at the grocery store. You got it?"

Deeks nodded.

"Good! Keep your body armor on and your weapon in sight at all times." Sam looked at him grimly. "This won't be like last time Deeks."

He nodded. "I know."

"Good. Take a deep breath and we'll be home in no time."

* * *

Tension lived in the air here. Fear was a living, breathing monster that sank its claws into anything with a beating heart. People shrank into doorways, attempted to become shadows, invisible as their caravan passed.

The convoy was oddly silent, every man on high alert. Deeks felt sweat trickle down his neck and begin to itch but there was no hope of relief with thirty pounds of body armor weighing him down.

He shifted in his seat but it did no good. He already felt like there was sand covering most of his body. Dirt and grime were a daily reality here. He wouldn't truly be clean again until they hit the tarmac in LA.

His eyes drifted to the window and the bleak landscape they traveled through. It was foreign, so different from anywhere he'd ever lived. He loved the sun and sand, but this sand seemed rougher, wanting to strip away the very flesh from his bones.

They made it through the checkpoint and the Humvee rolled to a stop. Deeks slid his body out of the vehicle and took a breath of dry, desert air. "Where do we go?" he asked as Sam jumped down behind him.

"We're supposed to meet a Red Team," Sam looked around.

Deeks followed his gaze. "You see a Red Team anywhere?"

Sam frowned. "No."

"Agent Sam Hanna?" A well-built, dark haired man approached. "Martin Deeks?" he asked.

"Who's asking?" was Sam's reply.

"Lieutenant Mike Bonner. There's been a change of plans."

Sam nodded in understanding. "Welcome to Afghanistan."

"Exactly. Follow me. We'll get you all set up."

They followed him toward some nearby housing. "The Red Team pulled out three days ago," he told them. "Some sort of emergency in Cambodia."

"Three days ago?" Sam asked.

"That was before we even left," Deeks told the Lieutenant with a frown.

Bonner shrugged. "Your supervisor was contacted." He turned to Deeks. "You're the detective, right?"

"Yeah, LAPD," Deeks told him.

"Good. You're the one we really need. Got a couple guys in the unit who are LAPD."

"And you think they're responsible for the black market artifacts that were found in Encino two weeks ago?" Deeks asked.

"I mean, I hate to pin it on these guys but if it walks like a duck…" Bonner let the sentence hang.

"So how much exactly did the undercover detectives find in that warehouse?" Sam asked.

"Hundreds of thousands of dollars worth," Bonner told him.

"And you need us to find out how it's getting there," Deeks said.

"Exactly. We've managed to keep things quiet for now but I can't even tell you how bad this is going to be if the Afghan government finds out. That's why we asked for you. You're LAPD, you'll be able to get in with these guys."

"Yeah," Deeks replied. "Okay, well, I'll see what I can do."

"You two can bunk in here," Bonner pointed to the tent behind him. "You know where to find me if you need anything."

He walked away leaving Deeks and Sam standing in the dirt. "Come on," Sam led the way inside their new lodging.

Deeks dropped his bag onto a bunk. "This doesn't feel right."

"Like I said, welcome to Afghanistan," Sam told him.

"Why wouldn't Hetty tell us about the Red team?" Deeks asked.

"Because she's Hetty," Sam began pulling items from his bag. "It's what she does. Get settled in. We're going to be here for awhile."

Deeks sighed and looked around. _Home for now._

* * *

A/N: Thanks again for reading! Leave your love in the reviews!


	4. Week 2

A/N: Thanks for all the love guys! This is a fun one!

* * *

"We're going out."

Kensi looked up to see Nell standing in front of her desk. "What?"

"You. Me. Club. Drinks. Tonight," Nell informed her.

"Nell I don't really…"

"Kens, you've been moping around here ever since they left. We're going out. You need a distraction."

"Nell…"

"You don't have a choice. This is happening. I'll pick you up at eight." With that, the tech turned on her heel and zipped back up the stairs before Kensi could say another word.

"What, I'm not invited?" Callen asked with a smirk.

"You're just not pretty enough," Kensi teased.

"Ouch," Callen put a hand to his chest and faked a hurt look. "You know, my partner's gone too. Maybe I could use a little cheering up."

"You really want to go clubbing with me and Nell?" Kensi asked dryly.

"No, but it's nice to be asked," he said with a smile. He sat on the edge of his desk. "You doing okay?"

She dropped her gaze. "I did my job just fine before Deeks came along. It's like riding a bike."

"An old bike. With a rusty chain and a seat that's too small," Callen said knowingly.

"Let it go Callen," she said firmly.

They had been friends a long time and he knew when to stop pushing. He stepped forward and put a hand over hers, his concern evident in his bright, blue eyes. "Just, relax, and try to have a good time tonight."

* * *

There was a knock on the door at six. Monty barked and ran to it, tail wagging. Kensi followed more slowly, opening it to reveal the one, and only, Nell Jones.

"I thought you said eight," Kensi told her.

"I did. But I know you. And I know you were just about to text me and tell me you weren't feeling well," Nell said as she pushed her way inside.

"I was not," Kensi said guiltily.

"Liar," Nell shot back. "Come on Kens. You need this. I need this. Things between you and Hetty are so tense right now it's like the Cold War all day every day."

"There's nothing wrong between me and Hetty," Kensi told her.

Nell rolled her eyes. "Right. Just like I have no idea where Deeks and Sam are or what they're doing."

"You know what they're doing?" Kensi asked sharply.

Nell rolled her eyes. "Of course I know. Now let's go get dressed."

"Nell—"

Her face softened. "They're okay. And I promise to tell you the minute they're not," Nell grabbed her hand and squeezed. "I've got this."

Kensi closed her eyes and took a breath. "Okay. Where are we going?"

Two hours later they were at one of Nell's favorite Friday night spots. "You're having fun," the tech observed, speaking loudly over the music.

Kensi sipped her Cosmo and felt herself unwind a little bit. "Yeah I am. You were right. This is good."

"Buy you a drink?" a very suave looking gentleman sidled up to the bar and eyed Nell.

"I've already got one. Thanks," Nell told him, and turned back to Kensi. "So I—"

"Come on. One drink," the man insisted.

"I said no thank you," Nell told him firmly.

"Baby, what's the problem? You're looking to have a good time right? Let me help you out."

Nell set her glass carefully on the bar and turned around slowly. "First of all, I am not your _Baby_ and I don't appreciate your assumption that it's all right to call me by a nickname when you don't even know me. Second of all, I certainly don't need _your_ assistance to have a good time this evening. So you can just mosey on down to the next lovely lady you see or, better yet, take yourself on home. Goodnight."

She started to turn away for the third time. "As I was saying—"

"And what if I won't take no for an answer?" the man persisted. "You going to send your boyfriend over here to beat me up?"

Nell's eyes turned to ice. "I don't need my boyfriend to do it. I will kick your sorry ass myself."

He grinned. "And what's your friend going to do? Help?"

"Yep," Kensi took another sip of her drink.

"So let me get this straight," he said with a smirk. "You're going to kick my ass. With those tiny little hands?" He put his own paw on Nell's arm and it was all the incentive she needed to turn around and land a solid kick to his crotch.

He crumpled to the floor immediately as Nell picked up her drink. "Men," she said with a sigh.

"The worst," Kensi agreed. "Nice kick."

"Thanks! Eric and I have been working on it," Nell told her.

"You stupid bitch," the man wheezed as he stood up and lunged at her.

Kensi was up in a flash, grabbing his arm and twisting it behind his back until he cried out in pain. "You picked the wrong night buddy," she growled into his ear. "My partner is in Afghanistan right now so I am really, _really_ stressed out. Walk away or I will knock you down so hard your head will spin and then drag you off to jail for assault."

She released him with a shove and he glared at her, slinking off to the far corner of the room, away from the two, crazy women at the bar.

"Feel better?" Nell asked as Kensi took back her seat.

"So much better," Kensi sighed, draining the rest of her glass.

* * *

It was well after 2:00 am when they arrived back at Deeks' house. "Thanks Nell," Kensi said as they pulled into the driveway.

"Did you really have a good time?" Nell asked, her eyes searching Kensi's for the truth.

"It was just what I needed," Kensi told her honestly. "It was great." Her eyes travelled to the dark windows, making the home look less than welcoming.

"You sure you don't want to stay with me?" Nell asked for the third time since they'd left the club.

"I can't leave Monty," Kensi told her.

"Monty can come," Nell replied. "I don't mind."

"Nell, I'll be fine. I've slept alone all the other night since he left."

Nell looked unconvinced. "I just don't want you to be all alone and sad." She frowned. "Maybe I should stay here."

"Nell, I'm all right!" Kensi laughed. "Besides you're every night and you're fine."

"Thanks for the reminder," Nell said with a roll of her eyes. "Call me if you change your mind."

"I will," Kensi promised. "See you Monday."

She hopped out of the car and made her way to the front door. Monty looked up from his bed sleepily and she gave him a little affection before heading to Deeks' room.

She readied for bed and then logged into her email, heart sinking a bit when there was no new message in her inbox. Turning it off she snuggled into bed and stared up at the ceiling. The fun of the evening had been enough to allow her a few hours of relaxation, shoving the constantly dull ache of worry and fear aside. But now, in the quiet of the house, her happiness ebbed away, and allowed the knot in her stomach to return, making it hard to even breathe. She rolled onto her side and rested a hand on her partner's pillow. "Goodnight Deeks," she whispered.

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Leave your love in the reviews!


	5. Week 3

A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long. This was a tough one. Lots of story development, not a lot of Densi stuff. More coming soon though! Enjoy!

* * *

"I hate it here," Deeks groused as he sat down at the mess hall table, breakfast tray in hand.

"You and everybody else," Sam replied, "Any news?"

"I talked with Bonner this morning. Two of the LAPD guys went out on assignment yesterday. They won't be back until tomorrow. Thought I'd try to get in good with bachelor number three today," Deeks told him.

"Which one is he?" Sam asked.

Deeks nodded in the direction of a red-headed young man four tables over. "Peter Atherton. Been here six months. Spent the last three years as a beat cop in LA."

"That's a rough job. Long hours, not a lot of pay."

Deeks nodded. "Might be enough to make a man get a little desperate."

"I've seen people do more for less," Sam agreed. He changed topics. "I talked to Granger this morning."

"You did?" Deeks asked in surprise. "Why the hell didn't you call me?"

"Wasn't planned. He only had a minute. Wanted to check in."

"Well how is everyone? How are they?"

"She's good Deeks," Sam assured him, reading the intent behind Deeks' question. "You two still haven't talked?"

The detective shrugged and toyed with the food on his plate. "We keep missing each other. I know she's mad."

"She's not mad, she's worried," Sam assured him. "She'll get over it."

"We are talking about the same Kensi right?"

Sam smiled. "She's scared Deeks. And she has every right to be. Think about what happened the last time we were all here."

"I know, I know," he sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I just..."

The redhead got up from his table across the room and Deeks did the same, effectively ending the conversation. He looked at Sam and shrugged. "Time to go to work."

* * *

"Over here, over here!"

Deeks passed the ball to his teammate who made a fantastic shot from across the court and put it directly into the net. "Nice!" he called out as other members of the impromptu basketball game shouted words of praise to the scorer.

"That was game!" a tall, tanned recruit called. "Hit the showers!"

Deeks wiped the sweat from his eyes and maneuvered himself closer to his suspect. "Nice game," he said, reaching for a towel. He'd been following the man around for several hours and had seen an opportunity for interaction when Atherton joined a pick-up game of basketball.

"Thanks, yeah, you too," the other man replied. "You're new around here."

"Yeah just got here a couple days ago. I'm Monte," he stuck out a hand.

"Pete." They shook. "This your first time in country?"

"Yep. It's hotter than they said."

"And colder at the same time," Pete replied with a grin. "Where you from?"

"San Francisco," Deeks replied. "You?"

"LA baby. Miss it every day."

"How long you been here?"

"Six months, four days, nine hours," Pete replied. "Not that I'm counting."

"Hey I've only been here two weeks and I'm counting," Deeks told him. "You got family back home?"

"My wife. She's pregnant. Seven months," he said. "She sent me this yesterday."

He pulled a sonogram out of his pocket and handed it to Deeks.

"Wow. Congratulations. That's amazing," Deeks told him. "Boy or girl?"

"We're going to be surprised," Pete told him, accepting the image back. "It's what Linnie wants."

"That's awesome man."

"What about you? You got anybody waiting?"

Deeks pushed away the twinge of guilt that came with the question. "Yeah a girlfriend. Kensi."

"Sounds hot," Pete teased.

"You have no idea," Deeks replied genuinely.

Pete studied him. "You're cool Monte. I like you man. What do you do for work?"

"San Francisco PD." It was a small fabrication, one he and Sam had agreed on, along with the name. LA was a big city and Deeks hadn't exactly been around the office much in the past few years so there was little chance they would know him, but they'd decided to play it safe.

"No way! I'm LAPD," Pete told him. "Get paid shit to keep the whole city running."

"Sucks doesn't it?" Deeks asked. "You do all that work and got nothing to show for it."

"Totally," Pete glanced at his watch. "Hey, I gotta run but…I'll catch you later, all right?"

"Yeah," Deeks told him. "Definitely."

"I got us in on a poker game tonight," Sam told him as they ate dinner. "Hear Pete's a big player."

"Okay, great," Deeks told him. "Poker's illegal right? Case closed, mystery solved, let's go home."

Sam glared at him. "You know you're even less funny on this continent."

"I'm hilarious," Deeks told him calmly as he took a bite of chicken. "What time's the game?"

"2100 hours," Sam replied.

"Well I guess I better start channeling my inner gambler then."

At the appointed time they left their bunk and moved quietly across the base, keeping a close eye out for anything suspicious. "Here we are," Sam said as they approached a tent. "You ready?"

"I'm always ready," Deeks told him with a cheeky grin.

Sam rolled his eyes and followed the detective inside.

The murmur of voices was quiet as they approached two tables pull of poker playing men and women. Deeks spotted his new friend immediately and caught Sam's eye before going to join the table. "I'm in," he told the dealer.

"Hey Monte!" Pete responded with a lazy smile.

"This is some setup," Deeks told him. "You been playing long?"

"Yeah…yeah I've been…I'm here playing," Pete said slowly. "Are you here to play?"

Deeks frowned as he observed the odd behavior. Pete was pale, his pupils dilated. "Hey man, you okay?" Deeks asked in concern.

"Yeah man!" Pete said a little too loudly, causing several players to turn their heads. "I'm so…so good."

"Okay," Deeks continued to watch him quizzically as they played. The man sitting next to him was very different from the one he'd met earlier in the day. The change was startling.

"All in," Pete shoved his chips to the center of the table.

The rest of the group laid out their cards and Pete lost miserably. "Better luck next time," the dealer offered up his condolences.

"No," Pete said. "No, I have to win. I have to win. Let me go another round."

"Buddy, I think you're done for the night," one of the other players informed him. "There's always tomorrow."

"You don't understand," he got clumsily to his feet, sending chips flying. "I have to win. Today I have to, I have to!"

"Hey Pete, take a breath," Deeks told him.

"No! No I can't! I have to…I have to…" Pete's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed onto the floor.

Deeks fell to his knees and felt for a pulse, finding none. "We need some help over here!" he yelled. "Somebody get a medic!"

Sam joined him. "He's not breathing," the former SEAL said grimly.

Deeks began pumping they dying man's chest. "Come on man, don't die on me. Come on," he growled as he worked. "Come on."

* * *

"Here," Sam handed Deeks a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," Deeks took it. "Any word?"

"The doctor's still in there," Sam told him.

Deeks shook his head. "There's something bad going on here man. This guy has a wife. A baby on the way. He was totally normal six hours ago. It doesn't make any sense."

"We'll figure it out," Sam assured him.

The door opened and the doctor stepped out. How is he?" Deeks asked.

The doctor shook his head. "I'm sorry. It was a bad reaction to heroin. There was nothing we could do."

Deeks blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Damn it."

"He was an addict?" Sam asked.

The doctor shrugged. "No needle marks between his fingers or toes. Either it was his first time and he got a bad batch…"

"Or somebody dosed him on purpose," Deeks finished.

"Well, I guess now we know one thing," Sam sighed. "We're looking for someone desperate enough to commit murder."

* * *

A/N: Leave your love in the reviews!


	6. Week 4

A/N: Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to review! Your words mean a lot! This chapter was a fun one to write. Enjoy!

* * *

"This is _your_ fault," Kensi hissed as she crouched behind a six-foot stack of wooden packing crates, flinching as a bullet sent splinters of wood flying at her face.

"How is it my fault we got bad intel and ended up outnumbered?" Callen hissed back.

"I don't know but it is!" Another round of bullets whizzed past. "If we die here I will never forgive you!"

"You're being a little dramatic," Callen told her as he peeked around the stacked boxes. "You've been spending too much time with Deeks."

She glared at him. "Yeah, you think you're funny huh?"

He gave her a smirk. "Oh I know I'm funny."

"You know who else makes jokes in life or death situations? Deeks. What's your excuse?" Kensi growled, taking a peek around the corner. "Cover me!"

She waited for a beat between shots and then ran to a massive shelving unit, firing off several rounds as she waited for Callen to join her.

"Enough cat and mouse," Callen said, breathing heavily as he collapsed next to her. "We need a plan."

Kensi scanned the warehouse, searching for anything that might help. "I say we take out that fire extinguisher and use it as cover to get to the door."

"That's not going to work," Callen told her. "Once you puncture the extinguisher none of us will be able to see. We could all end up on top of each other."

A cacophony of heavy machine guns interrupted him and they both popped up to return fire.

"You got a better idea?" Kensi panted when they sank back down on the cement floor.

"Actually, I do," he said as he changed out the clip on his gun. "You cover me while I get closer and I'll pick them off one by one."

"There are six of them!" Kensi cried.

"I've taken on more."

"You know, when I'm with Deeks we usually go with my plan," Kensi said pointedly.

"Well when I'm with Sam we usually go with my plan," Callen countered.

"I'm a better shot."

"I'm team leader."

Kensi glared at him. "Fine!" she huffed.

"On my count. One, two, three!"

Kensi stood, firing rapidly as Callen took off toward the front of the warehouse. There was a yell and she saw one of their adversaries fall. Five to go.

She heard another burst of fire and then a familiar bellow of pain.

"Callen!" she yelled, unable to see him from her current position.

"I'm good!" he replied, but the tightness of his voice suggested otherwise.

"Plan B!" Without waiting for a response she aimed and took out the fire extinguisher.

A cloud of white particles filled the air as she ran toward the senior agent. "Are you okay?" she asked worriedly, blood seeping from a wound in his shoulder.

"It just winged me," he told her with a wince.

"LAPD drop your weapons!"

The sound of heavy artillery was deafening as LAPD and SWAT stormed the building.

Kensi looked at Callen, still trying to catch her breath. "Next time, I get to be Plan A."

He nodded. "Deal."

* * *

"Are you guys okay?" Nell asked worriedly as the weary agents walked into the bullpen.

"We're fine Nell," Callen said as he collapsed at his desk.

" _I'm_ fine," Kensi corrected. "Callen got shot because we didn't use my plan."

"There is an equal chance that your plan would have had the same results," Callen protested. "Besides, it's just a graze. It didn't even need stitches."

"My plan is the one that got us out," Kensi pointed out.

"Only because LAPD and SWAT showed up. Also, I'd appreciate it if after our near death experience you didn't insist on almost killing us again with your driving."

"There's nothing wrong with my driving!"

"I thought Deeks was exaggerating but it actually has gotten worse since the last time I rode with you."

Kensi's eyes lit with fury and she opened her mouth to reply but Eric interrupted. "Who wants to get a drink?" he asked in an attempt to defuse the situation.

"I could definitely use a drink," Nell replied. "Kensi?" She gave her friend a pointed look.

"I-," Kensi swallowed. "Yeah. Sure, yes. Let's go get a drink."

The bar was crowded for a Thursday evening and Kensi's head was pounding even before she had a beer in her hand. Eric, Nell, and Callen kept up a surprisingly good banter allowing Kensi to simply added her own, "mhmm's" and "yeahs" where appropriate.

It was getting late and Kensi felt completely worn by the events of the day even as she marveled at Callen's ability to brush off the craziness of their earlier encounter with death. She loved Callen, he was a good friend and agent. But it wasn't the same as having a partner who knew all her moves even before she made them.

"Kensi? Hello?"

Kensi blinked, belatedly realizing that Eric had asked her a question. "Sorry," she apologized. "What did you say?"

"You okay Kens?" Callen asked.

"Yeah," she shook her head. "Yeah, I'm just tired. I think I'm going to head out."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Nell asked.

"No, I'm good. I'll see you tomorrow," she said, grabbing her bag and heading for the door.

She was nearly to her car when she heard Callen call her name. She turned to find him jogging toward her. "Hey, you did good today," he told her. "You were right about your plan."

"I'm just glad you're all right," she told him.

"You're a great partner Kens. Deeks is lucky to have you."

She nodded, grateful for the praise from her team leader. She wasn't the only one feeling the strain of Sam and Deeks being gone. The absence of their partners was wearing thin on both of them and she knew he'd swallowed a little bit of pride to give her this boost of confidence. "Thanks."

He put a hand on her arm. "They're going to come back."

She took a deep breath and created the forced smile that had become second nature in recent weeks. "I know."

* * *

Kensi started awake at 2:47 am, completely disoriented. It took her several seconds to realize her ringing cell phone was what had interrupted her dreams.

She picked it up and answered not even bothering to check the caller ID. "Kensi," she croaked, her eyes still closed, a hand going to stroke Monty's back where he lay next to her.

"Hey."

Her eyes flew open. She turned on the light, propping herself up on her elbow. "Deeks?"

"How are you?"

His voice was echo-y, tinny on the line, but it was him. "Good. I'm good. I was…sleeping," she rubbed a hand over her eyes, trying to clear the cobwebs from her mind.

"I'm sorry to call so late."

"No, it's okay," she brushed her hair out of her face. "How, um, how are you?"

"I'm fine," he told her over the static-filled connection. "Sam's fine. Hot. Sandy. But fine."

"How's the case?" she asked tentatively.

"Not great," he replied. "We're kind of at a standstill right now."

"Oh," Kensi said slowly. "But you and Sam, you're—"

"We're good Kens. I promise."

"I miss you." The words caught in her throat and came out more stilted than she meant them to.

"I miss you too," he told her. "How's everybody there?"

"Callen got winged today," she told him. "He's fine."

"He didn't follow your plan, huh?" Deeks asked knowingly.

"Nope," she said with a smile, the first true smile that had touched her lips in weeks.

"Number one rule of Kensi Blye partnership: Always follow the Ladybird's plan."

"Always," Kensi leaned back against the pillows and adjusted the position of the phone, trying to hear better.

"Listen, Kens, we're headed out for a couple days so we won't have much contact with anyone okay?"

"Oh, okay." The line crackled and she struggled to make out his words. "Take…Monty…me-"

She sat up, her heart pounding. "Deeks, I can't hear you."

"Careful…promise you…"

"Deeks? Deeks!"

The line went dead. Kensi let the phone fall onto the bed and tried to force the tears not to come this time. She was so tired of crying herself to sleep. Tired of worrying about him. Tired of worrying about them. But there would be no relief. Not tonight.

* * *

A/N: Poor Kensi. This is a mess. I wonder if things will work out! ;) Leave your love in the reviews!


	7. Week 5

A/N: Sorry for the wait guys! Too much fan fiction too little time! Enjoy!

* * *

"God, I hate the desert," Deeks griped as they walked.

"Yeah, you've mentioned that," Sam replied.

"Why is there so much sand here? Who wants to live in a giant sandbox?"

"Deeks," Sam stopped walking. "I swear if you complain about one more thing I will leave you here."

"You're cranky," Deeks told him.

"Damn right I'm cranky," Sam stated. "We've been out here for three days and we've got nothing. We've been eating nothing but MRE's. I've got sand in my boots and a cramp in my back. And we're going to run out of water by tomorrow which means that if we don't find something today we'll have to go back to camp and then come back out again and do it all over."

"Now who's complaining?" Deeks asked, kicking at a rock.

"I will leave you. And you will die," Sam threatened.

"I think I want Kensi back now," Deeks told him with a glare.

"You and me both," Sam agreed as he started trudging along again.

For three days they had been searching the countryside around the area where their other two suspects were camping with the rest of their team. So far they'd turned up nothing but a lot of rocks and dirt, even with GPS and satellite help.

"Are we walking in circles?" Deeks asked.

"No, Deeks. I know how to read a GPS," Sam told him as he squinted at the device in his hand.

"Because I swear we've passed that rock shaped like Mr. Bean like four times today," Deeks continued.

"Get down."

Deeks complied immediately, all the humor gone from his body. "What's up?"

"Over there," Sam pointed. "Look. That's our other two suspects, Trevor Adams and Hunter Porter right there."

Deeks pulled out his binoculars and focused them in the direction Sam had indicated. "Are they doing what I think they're doing?"

"If you think they're packing up priceless artifacts to smuggle back to LA then you would be right," Sam told him.

"All of this for some jewelry and tacky artwork?"

"That tacky artwork is worth eight times what you make in a year," Sam informed the detective as he snapped pictures.

"Damn," Deeks nodded appreciatively. "This is some Indiana Jones type stuff going on here."

"Deeks."

"I mean this has been fun, but I'll just be going to the dark side now."

"Slow your roll Darth Vader," Sam told him with a roll of his eyes, clearly too exhausted and cranky for Deeks' humor. "We need to get back to camp."

"What we're just going to let them keep packing up?" Deeks asked.

"How are we going to arrest them out here? Do you see how many armed Iraqi's they have helping them?"

"Point taken. Back to camp it is," Deeks conceded.

They descended the rocky slope as quietly as possible. "Why would they kill Peter Atherton?" Deeks asked. "That makes no sense. They've got plenty of stuff to fence back there. You'd think they'd want as many guys as possible."

"Maybe he got cold feet," Sam suggested.

"I just don't get it," Deeks shook his head.

"Sometimes things just don't make sense, Deeks," Sam told him. "Come on. If we hurry we can make it back before dark."

* * *

"So tell me Trevor. Why'd you do it?" Deeks asked the man seated on the other side of the table.

"Sir?" the young LAPD officer said.

Deeks and Sam had taken the two men into custody when they'd returned early that morning from the field with the rest of their unit. They'd spent hours with Hunter Porter to no avail. So far their efforts to crack Trevor Adams had been equally fruitless and Deeks was drained. He just wanted this case done.

Deeks sighed. "Look man, I really, really want to go home. So your stonewalling me here is not making me very happy. And when I get unhappy I let the big guy over there do whatever it takes to speed things up."

He glanced pointedly at Sam who leaned against the wall in a dimly lit corner of the room, arms crossed, a menacing look on his face.

"Sir, I don't know what you think I did, but I can assure you I am an upstanding soldier. My record is impeccable," Trevor maintained.

"Okay. Since you don't seem interested in telling the truth I'll just do it for you."

Deeks took out his phone, holding it so Trevor could see as he flipped through several pictures. "That is you and your buddy with a bunch of locals, packing up art and jewelry that I'm pretty sure, isn't yours. You were going to take it back to LA and sell it on the black market making all of you a tidy little profit. How am I doing so far?"

Trevor's face remained stoic but sweat began to bead on his forehead, and he swallowed hard.

"From the look on your face I'd say pretty good. What I don't understand is why you killed Peter Atherton."

"Pete is dead?" Trevor finally spoke, fear evident in his eyes. "How? We didn't do it!"

"Of course not. The drugs did it right?" Sam asked. "What'd you have your friends whip it up special for you?"

"We didn't give him any drugs!" Trevor cried. "Pete was our friend, we would never do that!"

"Well then you'd better start talking," Deeks told him. "Because right now you and your buddy are the only suspects we've got."

* * *

"Well gentlemen, I hear you made a discovery today," Bonner said as they walked into his office. "Can I assume we're case closed?"

"Just about," Sam told him. "Adams and Porter admitted to the whole thing. Took full responsibility for all of the black market artifacts."

"We've just got a couple questions to wrap things up," Deeks told him.

"By all means," Bonner leaned back in his chair. "Ask away."

Deeks took a breath. "Where exactly did you get the heroin you gave to Peter Atherton?"

Bonner laughed. "That's a good one Detective. You almost had me for a minute there."

"He's not joking," Sam said quietly.

Bonner's face hardened. "Then I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You can't just come in here accusing me of something like this."

"Actually, we can," Deeks told him. "And this will go a lot better for you if you just tell us the truth."

"You have no proof of anything."

"One of your men saw you talking with Pete that night. Saw you walking him to the infirmary saying something about a muscle relaxant."

"That's circumstantial."

"We also found an Iraqi man who says you paid him to smuggle in the drugs," Sam continued.

Bonner sank back into his chair. "It was just supposed to get him kicked out. They were ruining my unit!"

Sam shook his head. "Come on Bonner. You knew better. You should have let us handle it."

It didn't take long to have Bonner taken away and put in holding.

"That didn't end how I expected," Deeks said.

"It never does," Sam replied. "Now all that's left to do is to retrieve those artifacts and shut the whole thing down."

"And then home sweet home," Deeks sighed. Home to Kensi. Home to fix all the problems he'd left behind. He was ready. "Let's get this done."

* * *

A/N: So? Did it end like you expected? Three more chapters to go! Leave your love in the reviews!


	8. Week 6

A/N: I'm so sorry this chapter took so long! I was graduating and this chapter needed MAJOR editing. I'm still not sure I've really captured what I wanted here. But it's time to let it go. Read on friends!

* * *

"Really?" Kensi asked. "That's your opinion?"

"Yes, it's my opinion," Callen told her.

"Okay," Kensi rolled her eyes.

It had been two weeks since their brush with death and things had improved somewhat. They'd found a better rhythm, one more like the old days. It wasn't perfect, but they were managing.

"Hey! The nature of an opinion is that I get to have one and you can't tell me it's wrong. That's why it's an opinion, not a fact," Callen leaned back in his chair, a smirk on his face.

"That may be but—"

"Kensi!"

The fear in Nell's voice turned Kensi's blood instantly cold. Her eyes swung to the stairs where the analyst stood, her face pale. Something was wrong. Very, very wrong. The kind of wrong that might never be okay again.

Callen stood. "Nell?"

The analyst opened her mouth and gaped at them wordlessly.

Kensi didn't remember moving but suddenly she and Callen were flying up the stairs, running down the hall after Nell, through the doors of Ops.

"What's going on?" Callen asked urgently.

Granger and Hetty were already in the room, their eyes glued to the big screen where Sam and Deeks' trackers blinked. Tension hung thick in the air.

"Sam and Deeks were choppering out to bring in a group of Iraqi's who were selling artifacts to the highest bidders here in the states," Eric told them, his fingers moving at a frantic pace over the keyboard in front of him.

"They were on their way back and…" Nell couldn't finish.

"When what?" Kensi asked, her voice overly loud in her own ears.

"Their chopper's been hit," Granger said quietly.

"How long?" Callen looked at each member of the team. "How long?" he asked again when no one answered.

"They've been trying to get back for nearly half an hour," Hetty finally told him. "They began radioing a distress call ten minutes ago."

"I've been trying to tap into their feed but the encryption…aha!" Eric pressed a key and the room came alive with the sound of voices a thousand miles away.

"Mayday, mayday, we have lost the tailrotor," an unfamiliar voice crackled over the line. "Preparing for an emergency landing."

"Negative Chopper Nine. You are still in enemy territory. Continue to fly if possible."

"Base One we are losing altitude. Navigation system is failing."

"Ms. Jones do we have access to video feed?" Hetty asked over the noise.

Nell shook her head. "There are no satellites in the area. This is all we've got."

An alarm blared over the feed. "Base one, we have lost control of the chopper. Mayday, repeat, we have lost control," frantic beeping filled the room as the pilot spoke. "Backups have failed. Base one we're—"

There was an unintelligible yell and then a loud burst of static. The line went dead. Sam and Deeks' trackers blinked once. Twice. And then vanished.

The silence in the room was deafening.

It was Callen who finally managed to find his voice. "Get them back."

No one moved.

"Get them back!" he yelled.

"There's nothing…" Eric cleared his throat and shook his head, unable to continue.

Nell covered her mouth with her hand, tears pooling in her eyes.

"I will…try to make contact with someone at the camp," Hetty said slowly.

Kensi's knees gave out. Her chest tightened painfully until she was unable to draw in a breath. This was not happening, could not be happening. They were fine, they were always fine. Any second their voices would come back over the line. They would be all right. Any second now. Any second…

Granger caught her arm and eased her into a chair. "Breathe, Kensi," he ordered. "In and out."

She was trying. And she couldn't. Dark spots appeared before her eyes and she felt Granger push her head down.

Minutes passed. Time moved on as they all stood there, shock reverberating throughout the room, the only sound Hetty's voice speaking quietly on the phone.

She hung up and lifted her head looking suddenly old, as if the events of the last ten minutes had aged her forty years. "They are unable to send a search party at this time. The chopper was still in enemy territory when it went down," she paused. "It seems that when the chopper crashed there was also an…explosion. They are concerned that it will have attracted attention from a local terrorist cell."

Kensi wretched. Nell reached automatically for a trashcan and held it in front of her friend, taking Granger's place as he rose to his feet.

"No," Callen said loudly. "They're fine."

"Mr. Callen," Hetty began but he wouldn't let her finish.

"We'll go. We'll find them. We've done it before."

"Callen, you're not going," Granger squared off in front of the senior agent.

"You can't stop me," Callen's eyes were wild with despair and fear.

"Yes, actually I can. It would be suicide to send the two of you over there into enemy territory. Your head's about to come off and Kensi can't even stand. You'll only make things worse."

"We're not leaving them there!" Callen's hands balled into fists and he looked as if he might actually take a swing at their boss.

"We won't. I'll start making calls. If they're alive we'll find them." Granger remained maddeningly calm despite the tragedy happening around him. "Beale, keep trying to make contact. Jones, take Blye home."

Nell stood, handing her tablet to Eric. She put a hand on Kensi's arm. Her voice shook as she spoke. "Come on Kensi."

Granger caught Nell's eye as she passed. "Keep me posted."

Nell nodded. "Yes sir."

* * *

She was curled up in the center of their bed. Her eyes burned, the pillow under her cheek damp with tears. It had been hours. Hours of wondering, Hours of regretting. Hours of crying until her whole body hurt.

Every breath was more painful than the last, each one a reminder that another minute had gone by without news. Her mind was full of possible outcomes, none of them good, and she felt weary, dizzy with the weight of it. It was agonizing to lie there and beat back against the hopelessness that engulfed her. She was scared. And with each passing second, with each stab of excruciating terror, she came a little bit closer to giving up and letting the fear win.

"Kens?" Nell's voice broke through the haze of sickening worry.

Kensi had nearly forgotten that Nell was in the house. She'd clearly sensed Kensi's need to be alone and had respected it up until this point. Kensi was grateful for the space and equally that Nell had stayed.

She tried to rally, tried to find the energy for a decent response. When she finally spoke her voice was thick and hoarse. "Is Monty okay?"

She hadn't wanted his company, his presence a constant reminder that his master wasn't here. The dog had given up his frantic pawing at the bedroom door long ago, but she could tell he was sitting just on the other side of it, waiting for her.

"He's worried," Nell stepped a little closer. "Do you want me to let him in?"

Kensi managed a slight shake of her head. Took another breath. Felt her heart break a little more. "He's really gone, isn't he?" her voice was barely more than a whisper.

"We don't know that," Nell said, but her voice wavered. "If they're out there, Eric and Granger will find them."

"I shouldn't have let him go." Fresh tears slid down Kensi's face. It seemed impossible that she could have any left but here they were, stinging her already swollen eyes. "I should have stopped him."

"Kensi, it's not your fault," Nell told her, struggling to stay positive even as darkness clung to the air around them. "It's nobody's fault. You have to believe that they're all right."

Kensi took a shaky breath. "Deeks is everything to me. Without him…I don't know…I can't…" The shattered sob that escaped her felt like it had been ripped from the bottom of her very soul. "What am I going to do?"

"Kensi," Nell couldn't manage to be strong any longer, tears streaming down her own face. She went to the bed, wrapping her arms around her friend as tightly as she could. "I'm so sorry."

"I can't do this. Please. I can't," Kensi gasped. She felt like she was breaking in half.

"We can't give up," Nell choked out. "We can't."

But she couldn't do it anymore. Was too weary, too broken to keep fighting. Kensi crumpled as the pain completely overwhelmed her.

Marty Deeks was never coming home.

* * *

A/N: Don't hate me! I promise the payoff is going to be worth it! Hang in there with me for two more chapters coming soon!


	9. Week 7

A/N: If you've made it to this chapter, congratulations! The wait will be worth it (I think!). Thanks for hanging with me this far! There will be one more after this!

* * *

Six days. Six days of radio silence. They were all weary, numb with the weight and the pain of it.

Everyone that was, except for Callen. Rage seeped from his being and filled every room he entered, setting everyone on edge.

Kensi sat at her desk, mechanically filling out the forms in front of her. Every minute felt like an hour and yet she couldn't remember what she had done even ten minutes before. Nothing felt real or solid.

Nell had wanted her to stay home, had even offered to stay with her. But Kensi needed to be here. She couldn't spend her days in bed, waiting for Deeks to walk through a door that he never would. It hurt too much.

"Callen we already checked with them," Eric sounded exhausted as he spoke to the senior agent from the temporary workstation they had set up in the bullpen to accommodate the extra agents and analysts who'd joined the case. They'd had very little sleep in the past few days, Eric least of all.

"Then check again," Callen told him tersely.

"There's no-"

"I said check again!"

"Callen!" Eric's eyes flashed. "I want to find them just as much as you do. I am doing everything that I can. So is Nell, so is Granger. We are just as worried as you are and yelling won't help. When we find something you will know. Until then? Back. Off."

Callen seemed to deflate as Eric's words hit him and he realized how out of line he was acting. "Okay," he said tiredly.

"Okay," Eric echoed, taking a deep breath to get his own feelings under control.

"Eric…"

"It' all right," Eric nodded, forgiveness in his eyes. "You'll know the minute we do."

Callen sank down into his chair next to Kensi and stared at the empty desks across from them. "I will find them," he promised.

"I know." Kensi's voice was empty. He wouldn't. They were gone. She wished he would just accept it so they could move on.

Callen glanced at her, noting her lack of faith. "They're going to be fine. Sam's a survivor."

"Deeks isn't."

Her words hung in the air. It was true. Sam knew how to live, how to preserve his resources and energy until help came. Deeks had no such training. His chances were so low they weren't even worth mentioning. Not that it mattered if they were already dead.

"He's stronger than you think, Kens," Callen told her.

"Why does everyone keep saying that to me?" Kensi cried. "He's my partner! I know what he's capable of! He can't—" she swallowed and shook her head. She would not cry about this again. She was done. She was moving on.

Callen reached over and put a hand on her shoulder. "Maybe that was true when he was only your partner. But he's not just coming home anymore Kensi. He's coming home to _you_. That makes him strong enough."

The words were meant to inspire courage but instead they were like a slap in the face. She didn't want to hope. Didn't want to believe. Didn't want to wake up every day praying for his return and come home every night to a cold bed and a dog who watched her with sad eyes. She'd done that with Jack. And it had nearly destroyed her. She wouldn't go through it again.

"Oh my god."

The sound of Eric's voice had them both looking over to his temporary bullpen workstation.

"Eric?" Nell asked, rising out of her seat.

"Sam's log in code," Eric just stared at the screen, "he just used it."

"What?" Nell replied, coming around behind him to look.

"Where?" Callen was up and moving toward them.

Eric looked at all of them, clearly stunned. "Here."

"Here, Mr. Beale?" Hetty asked in surprise.

"On the outside entrance keypad," his hand appeared frozen on the mouse.

"How is that possible?" Nell leaned closer to the computer.

"I don't know, he just…he's outside," Eric said incredulously.

Kensi's heart began to pound painfully against her ribs and she swung her eyes toward the tunnel. Time seemed to slow and she could no longer hear the rest of the team over the roaring in her ears. It wasn't possible. Not after all this. She couldn't let herself believe it.

A sob ripped from her throat as first Sam, and then Deeks, appeared at the end of the hall. "I'm going to kill him," she choked out to no one in particular. "I'm…"

She was on her feet, and she was running, and she was crying. Deeks dropped his bag and she flung herself onto him sobbing, crushing her lips against his, breaking away to gasp for breath, and then finding them again. "I'm sorry," she gasped. "I'm so sorry. I love you. I'm so sorry."

His arm had wrapped around her and he held her as tightly, her tears soaking through his shirt. "I love you too," he murmured into her hair. "I love you so much."

She put her hands on his cheeks, scruffier than when he had left, and she kissed him again. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, as she gazed into his eyes.

"It doesn't matter," he told her. "It's okay."

She went up on her tiptoes, meeting his lips again. It was then that she realized he had only one arm around her body, the other in a sling, pressed between them. "What happened?" she asked, as she wiped her eyes. "Are you okay?"

He smiled despite the exhaustion on his face. "I'm good. Sam-dawg over there just broke my collar bone."

"What?" Kensi turned to find Sam, looking distinctly more disheveled than usual, rolling his eyes.

The rest of the team had clustered around their other returning team member, the relief in the room palpable. "I did not break your collar bone," he griped. "The chopper was exploding and I was shielding you."

"Shielding or landing on?" Deeks asked.

"You know what? Next time, I won't bother to save your life," Sam told him.

"Gentlemen, as glad as we all are that you have arrived home safely, I think we would all like to know how it happened," Hetty interjected. "The last we heard that helicopter you were on was crashing into the desert."

"We owe that pilot our lives," Sam said. "He brought the chopper down as easy as he could and it kept us all oriented enough to give us time to bail out before it exploded."

"After the explosion we knew the rebels were going to be all over us so we got out of there as fast as possible. We were trying to make it back to base but they kept cutting us off," Deeks continued. "A German unit happened to be in the area and they found us after a few days. Flew us out within an hour to Frankfurt where they put us both back together and then sent us on our way."

"But why didn't you call?" Callen asked.

"We were pretty out of it. Out in the desert for four days with no food, no water," Sam said. "It was a while before we really knew what was happening."

"They didn't want to give up their position in country. It worked to their advantage to have the rebels thinks we were still out there. So they asked for radio silence until we got here," Deeks finished.

"Well we're all very glad that you've made it safely home," Hetty said sincerely.

"All I want is a shower," Sam said tiredly.

"Yeah I've got sand where the sun don't shine," Deeks added.

Sam looked at Callen. "Get me out of here."

Callen wrinkled his nose. "You should shower before you go home. Michelle's not going to let you in the house smelling like that. And I'm not letting you in my car."

"Everyone's a comedian," Sam grumbled. "Doesn't matter that I just spent seven weeks in country, saving Deeks' ass, preventing hundreds of ancient artifacts from being sold on the black market. Oh no. Let's make fun of the Navy SEAL."

"Everyone is very impressed by your efforts Agent Hanna," Granger said in his ever calm demeanor. "Now go home. All of you."

Deeks looked at Kensi. "You heard the man. Let's go home."

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A/N: I'm not going to lie, it's been very fun to read all your reviews and shock and surprise you all! You've all been very sweet and supportive so thank you for that! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and like I said, there's one more on the way!


	10. The Coming Home

A/N: Thanks for your patience folks! Life...it gets in the way of fan fiction and it is sooooo annoying! Nevertheless, the final chapter is here! Thank you for all your kind words and I hope you enjoy the last bit!

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A belly full of Chinese food and a hot shower went a long toward improving Deeks' appearance. He stood in the master bedroom, hair still damp, a shirt in his hand as he tried to figure out how he was going to get it onto his body. He'd managed the sweatpants well enough with one arm, but the tee was proving to be more of a problem.

"Hey," Kensi's voice was tentative as it came from the doorway.

He turned, shirt still hanging limply from his fingers. "Hey."

She looked nervous. Like he might suddenly walk out of the room and leave her. Like if she said the wrong thing he might hop on the next plane for Afghanistan and never come back.

"Want some help with that?" she asked.

"Actually I was thinking I'd just go around topless from now on. All those guys on Top Model do it," he teased.

It was an attempt to bring some humor, some normalcy into the room, but it fell a little flatter than he would have liked. She didn't laugh like he wanted her to, only sending him a ghost of smile as she shook her head and stepped forward to help him.

The agony that followed was enough to make him wish he _was_ gutsy enough to go around shirtless. He grunted as they attempted to pull his left arm through the sleeve and as soon as it was fully on he turned away, gripping the back of a nearby chair for support as he tried to get a handle on the fire burning his shoulder.

"What can I do?" Kensi asked, worry in her voice.

He took a deep breath. Pain was better than being dead. Pain was better than being stranded in the middle of the desert not knowing if he'd ever see her again. They had caught the bad guys. This pain had been worth it.

He relaxed his fingers and let go of the chair, shoulder throbbing only slightly less. "I'm good."

It wasn't a lie. He was here. They were together. It was all he cared about.

"We'll have to get you some more button downs. They'll be easier to get into," she told him.

"Yeah, good plan," he replied, his voice still somewhat strained as he turned back to face her. It was then he saw that her eyes had filled with tears. "Babe?"

She shook her head and tried to wipe them away quickly. "I—"

"Hey, hey, come here." His pain seemed to vanish as held her tightly and tried to overcome the lump in his throat. This feeling, having her this close, was all he'd dreamt about in their weeks apart. Nothing that had happened before mattered. "Shh…it's okay. I'm right here."

"I know I already said I was sorry but I w-wanted to tell you…" she took a deep breath but it did nothing to help, "I was scared Deeks, I was just so scared."

"I know, Kens. I know," he assured her, his good hand rubbing circles on her back. "You don't need to keep apologizing."

"I was scared and angry and everything I said…I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.

I didn't want you to go. I can't lose you Deeks. You're all I have. I love you and when I thought you were…I couldn't…" she was crying so hard she couldn't get the words out, all the words she'd wanted to say, all the fears she hadn't been able to voice until this moment, threatening to choke her as they rose to the surface.

"Kens, honey, breathe," he directed with growing concern. He guided her to the bed, sinking down next to her as she continued to cry. "Come on babe. It's okay."

"It's not okay," she told him. "I'm not okay. I'm not okay without you here. I'm not okay without you." The words poured out of her, raw and pained,. "I'm sorry I couldn't say it. I do believe in you. You're a good detective. You were the right person for that assignment. And I said all those things and you could have died…"

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, wiping away the tears from her cheeks. "I know, Kensi. I knew exactly what the problem was. I knew you were scared. But I had to go."

"I know," she sniffed. "I know you did." She met his gaze with watery eyes. "I'm so proud of you."

He brushed a strand of hair from her face. "Thank you. That means…that means a lot. You've never said it before."

Kensi smiled and entwined his uninjured hand with hers. "Deeks, you're my partner. I'm always proud of you," she told him.

"I love you," he told her. "So much."

"I love you too," she wiped at her eyes. "Are you uh, are you okay?"

"You mean other than the blinding pain in my shoulder?"

She didn't laugh. "You know what I mean. You guys were out there… for a long time. Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head. "Not tonight. Tonight, I just want to be here with you."

He would tell her about his days in the desert, about the chopper exploding above him, Sam's body crushing the air from his lungs as debris rained around them. About the fire burning in his bones as Sam told him to MOVE and they had run faster and farther than he'd ever run in his life.

He would tell her about hiding under piles of brush, half buried in the dirt as rebels searched only feet away. How many times he'd told Sam to go on without him; to save himself and get home to his wife and children. About how many times he'd tried to give Sam a message to take back to her and how the SEAL had refused every time. How he'd forced Deeks to his feet until they were both too weak to go on. About the dizzying thirst and exhaustion coupled with the pain and how he'd been only half conscious when the Germans finally dragged them out of a cave and put them on a chopper.

There would be a time to tell her that story. But tonight he just wanted to forget. Just be here with her and start to move on with their lives.

He squeezed her hand. "You ready for bed?"

She nodded.

They slid under the covers and Deeks groaned happily. "God, this is a good bed. I'm never leaving it again."

"I'm sure the bed appreciates the sentiment," Kensi told him.

He kissed her. "I'm never leaving you again either."

"Thank god, because Callen is the _worst_ partner I have ever worked with. I don't know how we did it before you came along."

"Seriously?"

"He got himself shot."

Deeks nodded knowingly. "He didn't listen to your plan."

"Nope."

"Rookie mistake."

"One you would never make."

"Never."

He slid his good arm around her waist and sighed a sigh of relief and contentment. This was home.

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A/N: Thanks again for coming on this journey! Leave your love in the reviews!


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